woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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