Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
