So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
