don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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