i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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