ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
