Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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