I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
