i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
