so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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