i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
