i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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