I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
