i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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