38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
