508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
