Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
