I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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