she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
