youre lurking in front of me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
