i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need to wash the frat house off of me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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