so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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