Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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