What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
