I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
