Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
