that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
