bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
