If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
