you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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