We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
