Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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