Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
