That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
