Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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