i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
