Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
