im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
