I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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