Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
