You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Please don't give away my fajitas
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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