TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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