tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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