I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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