sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
