My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
