i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
