Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
