i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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