it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
