I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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