do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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