I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
