how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
